Confession

I have a secret.  I miss the wedding.  I REALLY miss it.  I am so sad it's over.  I think about it daily.  I still want to re-hash it.  It was the best weekend of my life thus far.  Without a doubt.  It's a little embarassing, frankly how much I miss the wedding.  But allow me to revisit it for a moment to review a few highlights...

- Wearing a FABULOUS dress (It's in my closet now.  I may start wearing it around the house.  I am a pathetic ex-bride.)

- Having an entire crowd of people singing Pour Some Sugar On Me

- Seeing the Husband To Be at the end of the aisle

- Turning around and everywhere I looked were people I wanted to spend hours with

- Seeing my mother dancing with just about everyone

- Listening to my sister's AMAZING Best Lady toast.  Tears, lots of tears.

- Watching various friends and relatives spend time with my dad.  He loved being there and I loved that people wanted to spend time with him.

- Feeling like the husband (husband!) and I put something together that reflected who we are, and what we want to provide for our friends and family.  And not stressing about it.

It's been a banner year.  My sister's wedding.  My wedding.  The pulling together of families.  Sharing planning stories and ideas with my sister.  Planning my sister's shower with my mother.  Seeing my dad perform the vows at both ceremonies.

I think I am a little afraid.  You always hope the best moments are not in the past, but in the future.  It was such an amazing year, and I know there are incredible things in all of our futures, but I cannot help missing moments I know are (WERE) some of the best of my life.  And I cannot go back to them.  They are memories now.  Hopefully memories that won't fade. 

I was really in the moment.  Aware of every second, and thank goodness for that.  It could have gone by in such a blur.  But I remember getting into the cart that took me to the wedding site, seeing the husband for the first time, sharing a first kiss post-ceremony alone over the hill where we drove to have a moment to ourselves, my dad saying "long pause" in the ceremony, noticing how good the flowers looked, seeing faces and smiles as we walked down out during the recessional, signing the book noting our marriage officially, being fed a great piece of pie.  I could go on much longer but I think I will save those notes for a private notation in my personal journal.  I will write down as much as I can remember. 

Though the memories fade and the flowers are gone, the best parts remain: friends, family, and a husband who knocks me off my feet.  My sister ended her toast (TEARS!) with a quote from one Carrie Bradshaw (if you don't know who she is, get thee to Google!).  Here it is:

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."