chapter XVII

Confession

I have a secret.  I miss the wedding.  I REALLY miss it.  I am so sad it's over.  I think about it daily.  I still want to re-hash it.  It was the best weekend of my life thus far.  Without a doubt.  It's a little embarassing, frankly how much I miss the wedding.  But allow me to revisit it for a moment to review a few highlights...

- Wearing a FABULOUS dress (It's in my closet now.  I may start wearing it around the house.  I am a pathetic ex-bride.)

- Having an entire crowd of people singing Pour Some Sugar On Me

- Seeing the Husband To Be at the end of the aisle

- Turning around and everywhere I looked were people I wanted to spend hours with

- Seeing my mother dancing with just about everyone

- Listening to my sister's AMAZING Best Lady toast.  Tears, lots of tears.

- Watching various friends and relatives spend time with my dad.  He loved being there and I loved that people wanted to spend time with him.

- Feeling like the husband (husband!) and I put something together that reflected who we are, and what we want to provide for our friends and family.  And not stressing about it.

It's been a banner year.  My sister's wedding.  My wedding.  The pulling together of families.  Sharing planning stories and ideas with my sister.  Planning my sister's shower with my mother.  Seeing my dad perform the vows at both ceremonies.

I think I am a little afraid.  You always hope the best moments are not in the past, but in the future.  It was such an amazing year, and I know there are incredible things in all of our futures, but I cannot help missing moments I know are (WERE) some of the best of my life.  And I cannot go back to them.  They are memories now.  Hopefully memories that won't fade. 

I was really in the moment.  Aware of every second, and thank goodness for that.  It could have gone by in such a blur.  But I remember getting into the cart that took me to the wedding site, seeing the husband for the first time, sharing a first kiss post-ceremony alone over the hill where we drove to have a moment to ourselves, my dad saying "long pause" in the ceremony, noticing how good the flowers looked, seeing faces and smiles as we walked down out during the recessional, signing the book noting our marriage officially, being fed a great piece of pie.  I could go on much longer but I think I will save those notes for a private notation in my personal journal.  I will write down as much as I can remember. 

Though the memories fade and the flowers are gone, the best parts remain: friends, family, and a husband who knocks me off my feet.  My sister ended her toast (TEARS!) with a quote from one Carrie Bradshaw (if you don't know who she is, get thee to Google!).  Here it is:

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

Bridezilla's Revenge

My sister (I have a sister) got married this year.  She had a funny saying "Don't let Bridezilla out of her cage!" when people would start to rattle her chain.  She is right.  I am thinking I might write a book or a movie called "Bridezilla's Revenge" and have a big ugly bride with streaked lipstick and frazzled hair as the protagonist. 

A few examples of why brides go insane:

- you have to care about things like table linens.  who really cares about linens?  you think you don't but if you are a bride, you have to pick a darn linen.  then people who seemingly don't care (should not care) have an opinion "well why did you pick that one?"

- you get all sorts of crazy questions: what are you doing with your hair?  what is your theme? (theme? I am supposed to have a theme? "uhhmm, it's a wedding theme") what is your borrowed, blue, old and new?  are you taking pre-natal pills?  are you getting your teeth whitened?  (that is like a "do you want a breath mint" question...ah, do I need to?)  what are your colors? (this last one is my favorite.  colors?  I need colors?  well the dress is ivory...oh maybe that is like a crips/bloods question - gang colors!  yes you need colors).

- all of a sudden, hair matters.  you become more concerned about hair than you ever were before in life.  I am getting my hair highlighted.  get hair highlighted too soon and it won't look fresh; get it done too late and it will look too bright.  it has to be JUST right.  there is practically a two hour window you need to hit to get the perfect color.  are you kidding me?

- speaking of hair, you have several people who like to remind you that you need to look the BEST YOU HAVE EVER LOOKED that day.  no pressure.   

- people all of a sudden become helpless in the presence of a bride (I would like to think this is because of her stunning radiance...).  "where do we go?"  "when do I need to be there?"  "what should I wear?"  "how do I get there?"  these are all questions for the bride.  these are questions from otherwise self sufficient people.  from adults.  adults who have gotten places before, picked appropriate clothing for themselves and have managed to be on time at other functions without needing someone to tell them what to do. 

- weddings are a bottomless pit of money spending.  I had lofty thoughts of not falling into this trap.  it's unavoidable.  even if you do it on the cheap, it's still non-stop cha-CHING time.  placecards: $50; site fee: several thousand dollars: DJ: $900; a calm bride: PRICELESS

Let's keep this last point in mind - a calm bride: PRICELESS.  Nobody likes an ugly person, especially not a raving mad lathering at the mouth woman in a white dress.  It ain't pretty.  So please, if she asks you to do something, do it yourself and try not to ask for her help.  Just get it done.  She is the one who needs help.  Follow her directions.  Don't ask for anything special or any "oh can you just do this one little thing for me" questions.  Assume the groom has a brain.  He can answer questions.  He might even want to. 

This is a public service announcement.  Keep Bridezilla In Her Cage.

HIGH MAINTENANCE! low mileage!

There are two weddings being planned in my family right now.  Mine and my sister's.  We are getting married only a few weeks apart.  The planning has been shockingly smooth...until now.  Yes, dear friends, the high maintenance requests from attendees are starting to flow in.  I once created a fictitious list of funny things to say on a reply card.  I was such a sage...people actually DO ask for the craziest things.

This needs to be made public.  It has to stop.  "Bridezilla" is a term describing high maintenance brides, but I would venture to say certain behavior and related tantrums are DIRECTLY related to the dopey, insensitive, ridiculous, sense of entitlement issues brought up by guests.  YES, guests!  You are not perfect!!  I shall now keep a running list of such issues.  Let's hope this is my only post on this subject...

- A reply card was returned, noting the food preference (which was solicited) for Filet.  Ever so neatly (and I might add sternly) written off to the side were two little words "Medium Rare".  Well, let me spring to action on that one and be sure to instruct the kitchen that in the midst of preparing 150 such filets THIS one is to be "Medium Rare". 

- One wedding is being held at an old club up north where there is no AC.  The offensive request went to my dear mother.  The request went as follows "be sure to put us in a room with cross-ventilation".  Yes, that too I will JUMP RIGHT ON!  I will be sure to go the club and stand in each room (90 plus rooms) and secure for you the best breeze I can muster.

Indeed.